The day I broke up with Christianity.. Modern Christianity.

Today, the 29th of March 2015, is one of the greatest days in the Christian calendar. It is the day every man, woman and child uses the penny they’ve been saving ever since Christmas, to buy a glamorous outfit they cannot afford, to impress people they cannot stand, and flood their social media timelines with photos from this fashion show. Oh, it’s also Palm Sunday.

To those who don’t know, Palm Sunday is the anniversary for Jesus Christ’s triumphal entrance to Jerusalem. Triumphal, because he spent a few decades of his life promising people that he shall save them and cleanse them. People did indeed greet Jesus not as the spiritual Massiah, but as a political leader coming to overthrow the Romans, and as such, they greeted him by placing palm branches all over his path and waving at him with these branches. Palm used to symbolize triumph, victory and power, 2000 years ago.
The following Monday marks the beginning of the week of Great Friday, which is Jesus’ path to the cross, as a sacrifice for us. Throughout the upcoming week, “Christian” people are supposed to live the pain and misery and suffer what Jesus went through at the time. Maybe not physically, but the norm has it that we turn into vegetarians for a week.

I broke up with Modern Christianity because, apparently, the beginning of “Ash Monday” or the fasting season, is also the beginning of an act that lasts about 40 days. People who turn into full saints in public, and go back to gossiping about the public, harming people and simply pressing the undo button and erase all the sacrifices they’ve made throughout the week. The Monday following Ash Monday, everybody goes back to normal, up until Palm Sunday, that’s when they go back to being Saints because “Jesus dies this week, we have to fast”. Then the Great Friday, the day of Jesus’ death, comes, and then again these people march around a certain church for a while, pray for a while, then on Sunday it’s fancy shmancy all over again, and life goes back to normal once the play is over.

Three types of people will be reading this article:

1- Those who don’t really care about religion, who happen to be people I respect.
2- Those who are an exact application of the above, and choose to acknowledge what they’ve just read and actually see their mistake.
3- And those who are going to get pissed because this has offended them very deeply and they feel like they’ve done nothing wrong.

To the third group of people, I ask you to take it easy on me. I’m not a critic and God knows I’m not better than anyone of you. I’m simply a pissed off Christian who changed his mind about going to church today after seeing girls and women running late for the service because they haven’t finished putting on their makeup, after seeing boys and men running late for the service because they haven’t washed their car yet. I’m simply a pissed off Christian who changed his mind about going to church today after realizing that church and the word of God, the Bible, Jesus’ sacrificed flesh and blood, are no longer on top of your list, and are now below your personal appearance.

I’m not pissed off because everyone is getting dressed up for a major event, trust me that is most definitely not the case. God created beauty and you might as well enhance that beauty which I so happen to cherish and appreciate. I’m pissed off because Jesus himself is no longer the purpose of your Christianity.

This is not me criticizing everyone out there. I have nothing against those who don’t fast at all because they see no point in fasting, for that matter I respect the fact that they’ve stopped doing it because they’re not feeling it, rather than just going with the flow.

I’ve made that mistake before, I’ve pretended, I’ve dressed up, I’ve gone to that fashion show myself. But that has never brought me real comfort and happiness. That has never brought me the peace of mind I was looking for. So take it from someone who knows, get back to your senses, next year, try fasting the whole season. Try sacrificing meat, chocolate, milk, cheese, chicken, your own body’s health temporarily for a man who died for each and every single one of your souls. You won’t be harming yourself. There are a lot of alternative sources of proteins and minerals that you get from your normal consumption of meat, no one ever died because they fasted. I beg you, don’t do it because you have to, do it because you want to. Do it because you want to satisfy your Lord and savior. Do it because you want it to be done because it is the least you could do. Do it because this is what brings you closer to Jesus and God. Do it because it is your duty as a Christian. Do it because he did it for you. Once you do that, you get yourself back on the right track, and Jesus’ resurrection will no longer be just another holiday, it’ll be one of the best feelings you can ever have.

As for the first group of people reading this, sorry for the long post.

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Here’s the thing about life.

We’ve all gotten to a point in our life where we asked ourselves some questions.. “Am I living life?”  or “Where am I going?” or my personal favorite “Now what?“.

For what it’s worth, the past 4 months of my life have been pretty hectic. So hectic in fact that I haven’t even had the chance to think about my life. Haven’t asked myself any one of those questions. I got to a breaking point where I just wanted to shut everything off and sit there quietly, waiting for nothing to happen. At that point, watching paint dry would be the most soothing thing I could ever do. But most of you know what I’m talking about. To those who haven’t been there, this one’s for you. To those who are still going through that, this one’s for you. To those who have gotten over that, high-five mates.

So what is it about life that is so important that it made me go back to blogging after months of inactivity?

You get your ass out of your mother’s womb, you’ve got nothing on your mind. You go to kindergarten, you’ve got nothing on your mind.

Now for the fun part: You go to elementary, you come home crying to your mommy after your classmates laughed at you for peeing yourself. You go to middle school, you spend hours looking at the mirror trying to figure out how you’re going to go the next day with all these pimples all over your face. You go to high-school, you spend hours thinking about a plausible story to tell your friends about how you lost your virginity to this super hot girl when truth is you haven’t even seen a pair of tits before. You go to college, you spend your time thinking about how you’re going to bring your GPA up and save some money to buy your girlfriend a present. As for the rest, I wouldn’t know. Haven’t really been there.

Where am I going with this? You spend your entire goddamn life, you waste all of your energy, you take up all of your time just to think about the way people see you. The moment you step into real life, the moment you come in contact with people who can actually speak the moment you shake someone’s hand for the first time or tell a girl you like her for the first time, you start worrying about shit that never even matters. I’ve been living in my own shell of insecurity for God knows how long, just because I’ve been worried about what people talk about when I’m not there.

But you see, here’s the thing about lifeIT AIN’T WORTH IT! but what is?

Have I been respecting my parents lately? Have I been showing them the gratitude they need to see? Have I made my girlfriend/boyfriend feel loved lately? And to those who believe in God, have I been satisfying him lately? This is ALL you need to worry about. Forget about prejudice, forget about rumors forget about if you’ve worn the same pair of jeans 2 days in a row. Because I guarantee you, those who are talking about you probably have the same concerns, but as long as you worry about fixing your relationship with the three assets I’ve mentioned above, then you should be completely fine.

But how do you even do that? One thing I once read and never left my mind, “If you get to a point in life where you think you’re the best person you could ever be, then you’re far from being the best person you could ever be” because let me tell you something, as pretty as a building looks, it’s always going to have that one flaw that needs to be fixed to match the rest of it. Once you fix that flaw, something else won’t match it anymore, and you’ll need to fix that. It’s a domino effect. How do you fix it? You don’t. You just keep working on yourself, and you keep working and working. When you think you’re done, work harder. Because otherwise, life will get boring. Life will get lame. Life will be the embodiment of what Lebanese people call “The American Lifestyle” otherwise known as “metl l roboyet”. You wake up, go to work, come home, try to have sex with your wife, fail miserably, end up popping a beer and watching the game to do the same thing all over again the next morning.

What I’m trying to say is, life’s nothing but a sandbox. Keep changing it the way you find suitable. It’s cheap, it’s time consuming, it’s fun and the outcome is always going to be a marvel. Three things you always keep in mind, Family, Love and God.

Model United Nations? It did change my life.

Yesterday was the closing ceremony of my personal first year as a member of the MUN Secretariat, and fourth year as a member of the MUN Family.

The year 2010, my English instructor walks into class and asks “Who wants to participate in an LAU program called Model United Nations?”
Being in a French based school, 4 years ago English wasn’t people’s number one preferred language so we didn’t have many English speakers at school. I signed up and got approved right away. I had no idea what MUN is about. I had no idea what I have to do there. All I knew was spending seven Saturdays at a University I was hoping I’d be a student at.

First training session was lame.
Second training session was lame.
Third training session turned from a training session into a gather-up with people I’ve recently met.
Fourth training session turned from a training session into a running into a random girl who ended up taking a big portion of my heart until recently.
Fifth training session, sixth training session, seventh training sessions were simply Saturdays I kept anticipating just to go and see the people I’ve recently met and loved.
They turned into me sitting down and looking up to the two incredible amazing trainers who were Gods to me. I wished I was like them. I wished I was as good as them. I kept wishing and wishing. I wanted to make people feel, the way they made me feel.

I won the Participation Award. That award meant the world to me.

The following year, I became a senior, the kids who are a year younger than me joined MUN. I walked them through, helped them out. We emerged Participants. It was amazing.

The year after that I joined LAU, first year Computer Engineering Major. I had no major goal. The only goal was still MUN.
What for?
Money is nothing. It’s a volunteer work.
The CV is nothing. It has nothing to do with my field of studies.
I volunteered as an usher for the final ceremonies of GCLAUMUN and MAL, 2 weekends, 2 saturdays, 2 sundays, over 24 hours of standing up and walking around in a committee passing small pieces of paper.
Going to the global village to see the very same small serious faces that were once in suits, jumping around eating and throwing food at each other with this incredible smile on their faces.

The following year I told myself screw it. Don’t worry about the time. It’s worth it. You’ll manage. I applied for MUN. I wanted to become the people who made me who I am. I wanted to become a Trainer. I became a Trainer. I made it.
Participation Award, Check.
Getting into the Model United Nations Secretariat as a Trainer, Check.

First training session. We’re supposed to arrive on campus an hour before the training session, at 08:00 AM.
I live 10 minutes away from campus. I woke up at 6. Put on a suit and was done by 7. Got to college by 7:30 AM.
That’s how excited I was. Having prepared over and over for the training session. All I wanted was to preach those kids and give them the same feeling I had 4 years ago.

9 AM, students started showing up. My heart was pumping. What should I do? Act serious? What if they hate me for that?
Act fun? What if I make a fool out of myself?
Oh screw it I’ll just be myself.

They started walking in. “Hello, good morning, hello”
It began. I started talking, and talking, my partner starts talking and talking, I start talking and talking and I look into their eyes and see the look. The “This is amazing” look. The “I’m glad I came here” look.
First training session ended. It was amazing. Evaluations were amazing.
MY STUDENTS, were amazing.
Second training session, they started calling me by my name.
Third training session, fist bumps.
Fourth training session, stalking my twitter.
Fifth training session, they wanted us to go for dinner after the ceremony, they were hugging me and they were telling me how much they love me.

Becoming the people who made me who I am, Check.

Global village, everybody was smiling all over again, every body was dancing all over again, everybody was happy. ALL OVER AGAIN!
My smile never left my face. Seeing my delegates being happy never left my face. Walking into committees and seeing my delegates give their best. THEIR OWN Best not the committee’s best, it made my day. it made me happy. It made me want to sit on the laptop and type this out.

They walk up to me, whether they got diplomacy, Secretary General, Position Paper or Just the participation awards, I love them. I love them all equally.
A delegate walks up to me, didn’t win anything, and says “I’m sorry I didn’t make you proud
she did. She made me proud as hell. She tried, she gave it her best, she poured her heart out and she worked on it. that’s why I’m proud.
To those who won the awards, I’m happy for you. Extremely happy, but that’s for you.
To those who didn’t, I am amazingly happy for meeting every single one of you. You’re amazing. Your smiles and laughs make me want to improve, they make me want to do this all over again, they make me want to spend not 5 saturdays a year, but 50 and 500 and being careless about the rest of the world.

What I’ve taught you, memorise it, keep it in you, and when you graduate, you’re going to train alongside with me. I’m waiting for you. I’m going to miss you.

I love you, Check.

Sorry not Sorry

Although the title is cheesy, I’d like to make some clarifications due to certain complaints and feedback I’ve received from you guys.

To those of you who are close to me, you know I can take criticism with a good spirit, but I cannot take insults. And I expect to be treated based on that but at the same time, I expect myself to treat you based on that. If I can’t stand an insult, I cannot insult you, or your ideology, or your belonging or your sect for that matter, which leads me to the idea behind this article.

Many readers have accused me of insulting, offending and practically attacking certain groups. I’d like to clarify that point. I do NOT attack, I do NOT offend and I most certainly do not insult. I point out matters that bother me. A person once told me “Before you go on and criticize other religions, do your own religion a favor and preach for it first. We’re not in any positions to criticize or judge others’ duties to their religion”

I agree. That person has a point, but the point that person and other similar people had missed is the fact that I do not criticize, I do not insult I do not defend I do not offend, again, I boldly, straight out, state out my opinion. And to those who think that I’m being offensive towards their specific sects, I say to you, I’m using the same, if not an even harder, tone towards my own sect. Not the sect itself, not the rules, regulations, duties, rights, demands, of that specific sect rather than the abuse, mistreatment and malfunctioning of certain individuals within these sects. Including my own sect, including myself.

Priests are not perfect, nuns are not perfect, brothers are not perfect hell the pope himself is not perfect. Jesus himself is, saints are damn near that point. You and I and the rest are as far from it as we could be. And it’s not an easy task for us to get close to it it’s a life goal. You devote your life to being perfect for a purpose. Not to satisfy your own soul but to satisfy the hierarchy that is God.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is, if I you feel offended in any way by the words I say, just know that the words I’m throwing at you, I’ve thrown at myself at the same exact moment. The accusations I’ve thrown at you, I’ve thrown them at myself and the disgust I’ve shown about you, trust that I’ve disgusted myself more than anyone has disgusted me. But that’s the beauty of civilization and keeping an open mind. Take it, learn it, love it, hate it, then change it. Instead of yelling out and going after your dignity, try to discuss it with your dignity. I for one have my dignity before all and my friends know that more than anyone but before I flash it around other people’s faces and throw punches all over the room like the animal that I’m not, assess yourself. Is the criticism correct or not? If yes, then change, try to. If not, fucking hell you might as well change my point of view and if that doesn’t work and I offend you even more, slit my throat by all means.

So to the people I’ve offended, to the people I’ve criticized, to the groups I’ve disrespected, I apologize, and you’re welcome.

Kingdom of Heaven

What is heaven? What is hell? Who is God? What is Christianity? What is Islam?
What is religion?

Those are the questions I’ve been asked, and have been asking myself during the years, and I could never find the answer to them. Such questions are greater than either one of us, they’re beyond our perspective.
As a Christian I get asked, is Islam the wrong way?
Billions of people cannot be mistaken.
As a Christian I ask myself, is Christianity the right way?
Billions of people cannot be mistaken.
As a believer I get asked, does God exist?
Billions of people cannot be mistaken.

Okay, billions and billions cannot be mistaken but what about the rest of them who think otherwise? What about those who are skeptical? What about those who don’t know what to think and what not to think? What about you and I?

I, for one, am not qualified to answer that question, am not equipped with enough knowledge to even discuss that question. But I do know something called faith. What is faith? I don’t know. What causes it? I don’t know. How do you know it’s there? it just is.

Those questions have been bothering me throughout the years until I watched a movie, the Kingdom of Heaven, and one of those characters said the following;

 

“I put no stock in religion.

By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of god.

I have seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers.

Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness.

What god desires is here (points to head) and here (points to heart)
and what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man – or not.”

 – Hospitaler

This statement made everything clear to me, and it explains itself. The movie stated that at the time of the crusaders the pope himself ordered for the killing of “infidels” and each Christian had his own definition, to qualify who’s an infidel and who is not. That was wrong.
Murder of innocent Muslims in that era was being conducted because some Christians would think it’s the path to find Heaven, just because the pope said so. But that wasn’t the case at all.
In most my posts you see me offending my own religion. I’m not, I’m only pointing out the downsides of my religion so that people from my own religion could notice them and stop those downsides.

So after reading that post. What is religion? It’s something you create by yourself. It’s your own rules and regulations towards life. It’s what you decide to do and what you decide not to do in order to go into heaven.
What is heaven? It’s your clear conscience. It’s you feeling good about yourself and having the thought of accomplishing all your duties to be done as a human being. You define that by yourself, for yourself and should you spread your ideology, suggest it, rather than enforce it.

That, to me, is religion, is faith, is heaven, is Christianity, is Islam, is God and everything that is beyond our expectations.

Whether you’re a Buddhist, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Atheist or anything for that matter, if you’re feeling good about yourself, deep down your conscience tells you you’re Good Guy Greg, then there’s nothing for you to be worried about.

I’d be more than happy to listen to your own version of this.

Thank you.

Who are you?

Warning: Some of you might find this rather boring and may not feel concerned, feel free to not read, but then again, it’s my own opinion.

A week ago, I was out with one of the dearest people I know, someone who the term friend would be an understatement for, and as he was going through my blog, he asked me “Who are you?”
I just sat there wondering what the actual hell is wrong with this guy for asking this? Then he proceeded by asking me to write a post, describing who I am. Well this is to answer your question and some other people’s questions.

Such a question can never be answered objectively, as no one will have the ability to judge themselves by not taking his own side and only showing their bad side, they cannot stress on their bad side as much as they would stress on their good side, but I’m going to give it a shot.

Long story short? I have no idea.

How’s that? Well from my personal point of view, the entire world is a mystery, life on Earth is a mystery, everyone you know is a mystery and your own self is a mystery by itself. And that’s not weird at all. What else is there in life, if you know everything? Nothing. It gets boring. Once you finish a game, you don’t play it anymore. If you know yourself to the fullest, what else is there to be anxious about for the next day, the next hour or even the next minute? Nothing. But until this certain point, I’ve discovered many good things about me as a person, and many things that are utter shit about me that would pretty much balance with my good side.

I’m someone who is honest, this is a point that almost everyone knows about me.  I can’t stress that enough, the fact that I’m honest to an extent that sometimes it ends up hurting people. Whether you look ugly or not, whether I like you or not, I make sure to let you know nice and clear. I’m not better than anyone but I also like to set myself clear.
I’m someone who is almost always happy, this is also a point that almost everyone knows about me. Whatever is going on with me, I make sure to let it go, and walk around having a smile on my face. It’s not my pretty smile that makes me want to do that but there’s nothing in this life that is worth being the reason to your frown, and to tell you the truth, no matter how upset you are, try to keep a smile on your face cause people don’t have to have their mood fucked up just because someone they’re hanging out with and they care about is upset. Showing people how upset you are is a bit selfish, so I try to reduce that as much as I can.
I’m someone who is always pumped up. No matter what or where, I spice up the mood and annoy the shit out of people but I make sure to entertain them because as much as I hate being upset, I hate it when others are.

I’m someone who may be annoying, selfish, not serious, and many many bad things, to the naked eye, and by that I mean someone who barely knows anything about me. But then again, that’s someone who barely knows anything about me and I just can’t help but enjoy the site of people’s reaction when they actually sit down and have a decent conversation with me. The site of them realizing how off their judgement was.

I am however a really fucked up person. You see, I’ve betrayed people in the past, I’ve fucked up with people in the past and the thing that gets to me the most is that some of them were the closest to me and those who meant the most to me, but I am someone who admits his mistakes once he’s fully aware of them.
I am someone who could forget so many things, who could be careless, who could not pay attention to things and who may not appreciate everything life throws at him.
Nobody is perfect and nobody is damn near it, only thing is, nobody sees how bad they are. I don’t even see how bad I am, this is only a fracture of how bad of a person I am.

What you think of is only a fracture of how bad of a person you are. See what you are and what you’re not. What you want to be and don’t want to be. What you can be and cannot be. It’s working out just fine for me and it can’t get better than this. Merry Christmas

You don’t get what you don’t giveback

You know what the ironic thing about my blog is? It’s called “unidentified marvel” yet I keep talking about how crappy and not-marvelous, this world is. To those wondering what I meant by unidentified, it’s this place. This community this place and this world. Elaborate? It’s unidentified because barely anyone knows it and appreciates it. And marvel? It’s marvelous. So very marvelous indeed but people fail to see it. How is it marvelous? Look at it. Look at the landscape, look at this way everything is formed look at the people and their bodies, their brain, the food chain and that’s only on the small scale that is Planet Earth. But what you fail to see is way beyond this scope. I don’t want to talk about God, who and what is God. This is not why I’m writing right now because this is a whole different discussion I wouldn’t even dare bring up. But it’s about whoever or whatever created this marvel. Whoever created it doesn’t matter, whatever created it doesn’t matter. What does matter, however, is how you appreciate it.

That’s my intro. Yes it’s all about appreciation. How is that related to the title? Well it’s obvious. You don’t appreciate anything and you demand respect for what is yours while refusing the offer of respect of what is not yours. I’m coming out of the blue, nothing makes sense, so I’ll just cut straight to the point.

I, myself, am a Christian. Whether I believe or not is not the purpose of this post. But living in a Christian community, reading the Holy Bible, and abiding by the word of God, our Christian community isn’t behaving as a Christian community should behave. You see, I hear day-by-day people talking about other religions, and to be more specific, Islam. And by people I mean us Christians.
They tend to believe that Christianity is the mother of all religions. They tend to believe that Christianity is above all religions. As a Christian I should believe that too. And I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be a Christian believer. But at the same time you cannot convince yourself and everyone else that Islam isn’t the mother of all religions, and above all religions. This is the respect and appreciation I’m talking about.

We are constantly demanding respect from Christians and none Christians, but you’re not giving Christians and none Christians the respect they deserve. Had today been last year, I most probably wouldn’t have written this but I’ve only come to this discovery now, that Muslims are at times better than Christians, and by Muslims I mean SOME Muslims, and by Christians I mean SOME Christians.

Jesus himself said that whoever is not with us, is not against us. Jesus himself said that we should love everyone like we love ourselves and Jesus himself told us that we should only worship God. But don’t they as well? You mock them when they say “Allahu Akbar”, well guess what? HE IS! GOD IS GREAT and Allahu indeed is Akbar. You mock them when they say “La ilah ella Allah”, well there’s no God other than God himself so why on earth are you mocking that? Why don’t you just respect the fact that they also believe in God just like you? They just believe in him differently!

Our religion states that Jesus was crucified, he died and resurrected 3 days later. We believe that our Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus without a sexual intercourse. According to science none of that is possible but we still believe that because of something called faith, and something called Respect, respect for our religion.

Their religion states that the Qur’an was “Munzal” descended from the sky, as far as my knowledge serves me. Their belief isn’t any less mythical than ours so why should we mock them? You don’t have to believe in what they believe in but at the very least respect what they believe in, just like you want them to respect what you believe in.

You want them to respect you? Respect them back.

That was my Christmas prayer.
Amen.

As a start…

This blog, at first, was inspired by my friend, Josée. She writes anything and everything that crosses her mind on her own blog, that’s one thing, the other thing that inspired me is pretty much life. For the past 2 years, I’ve gone through everything an 18 year old could go through. I’ve gone through the worst, and I’ve gone through the best. And quite frankly the only thing that kept me going on is God.

Now you may think that I’m an ungrateful bastard who gives no credit to his friends, his family, everyone who has been there for him, but I do, and that’s my point when I said God. You see, he’s the one who controls that chess game, he controls life.

 

All in all, I’m sure I’m going to elaborate the ‘God’ topic later on in other posts, but for now, I just wanted to share a little something, among many things, that my doctor Maurice J. Khabbaz shared the other day on his facebook profile. Inspirational things that could really move the way you think

“In order to fly you need two things: 1) wings and 2) a long runway. Once you have your wings, you have to look for the most suitable runway. It is one that is not too short and not too long. But surely it has to be smooth, free of obstacles and has a free end. You run, as fast as you can, jump, thrust your wings and there you go up in the air. Some will try to stand in your way and delay your flights. Others will try to shoot you from ground once you’re up there. To the formers: “No matter how much you delay, time will come and I will fly!”. To the latters: “Try to shoot! I’m a good pilot with a good armor! Even if you hit me, your hits will not be enough to bring me down. Then, I’ll reach so high to where your bullets will no longer reach me.” … So all in all, instead of wasting your time trying to bring me down, take my hand and let’s fly together where no-one will reach us. A BON ENTENDEUR SALUT!!! ” ~ Maurice J. Khabbaz, Ph,D